Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Wow so I basically forgot I had this blog thing still going. I guess this is mostly just gonna be like a journal for me whenever I remember it. But basically Since my last post...The Crush and I were together until about May and then I broke up with him and then in about June the Ex and I started going out and we've been official since about mid-June and things are going really between the Ex and I. So yeah, now my real ex is the Crush and my real boyfriend now is the Ex on this blog. Confusing but whatever. Oh so I ran my first marathon last Saturday on October 10th! I finished 3 minutes under my target time so I was thrilled. And now I have to study for an Organic Chemistry test tomorrow (well I guess technically today...). Anyway...
Posted by Zagman at 1:29 AM
Sunday, February 3, 2008
So the Crush and I are still moving along. I don't think we're official yet, but that could be coming soon. I saw him last Tuesday and Thursday nights. Tuesday was good, but Thursday was a bit awkward because we told the Ex about us. The Ex at first was really upset with the Crush because he was still having a hard time realizing that the Crush was really done with him. But yeah the Ex was pretty cool with me. He was just mad that he had wasted his time lately trying to get the Crush back when nothing was gonna come of it. I don't know, but basically, the Crush was really caught up with the whole thing and then he got the flu or something and went to spend the weekend with his Dad, so I haven't seen him for a while.
Friday night I went out with the Ex. I was pretty much a date, but it wasn't. We went to out to dinner and then to a movie. It was good. We flirted a bit, but nothing too serious. It was fun. I at first was a bit hesitant to go out with the Ex because I thought the Crush would get jealous or something if I went out with him, but we were just going as friends so it was cool. The movie was really boring though and I actually fell asleep which wasn't so cool. We saw No Country for Old Men. I thought it was pretty good, but it was a little weird and slow at times, which is kinda hard to imagine because it's about this guy being chased by a serial killer. Anyway, the Ex was asking a lot about the Crush and I. I tried to steer the conversation away from that topic, but it was pretty futile. He really is cool with the fact that the Crush and I are getting together, but he still is having a hard time with grasping that the Crush has moved on from him. Apparently, the Ex is having a lot harder time with this whole official unofficial breakup thing between him and the Crush.
But the Ex and I talked a lot about some family stuff and it was really cool. He told me about his family more and how they have no idea that he is gay. He says he is bisexual, but nobody really believes him. He really does act like a straight guy, but he has no luck with girls, which is kinda weird because he is a pretty cute guy and should have no problem with that. But yeah, we all are pretty sure he's 100% gay. Anyway, he was just telling me how when he was going out with the Crush (they were together for 9 months...) he told his parents he was with a girl. The Ex actually asked one of his girl friends to pretend to be his girlfriend and he introduced her to his parents. But yeah, it made me realize how lucky I am to have parents that are so accepting and can hardly wait for me to bring home my first boyfriend! It was really good to talk with the Ex about stuff. I can tell that he is really hurt by how the Crush has moved on from him, but I think it is really good that the Ex can come to me, the one who is now with the Crush, for support and comfort when he feels all alone. I can tell that someday, the Ex and I are gonna be really tight! (that whole "really tight" thing is an inside joke between the Ex and I, if he knew about this blog, he would get it, and he would laugh...)
Anyone watch the Super Bowl? I know I didn't! I honestly didn't even know who was playing until today. But I still got dragged to my uncle's place for a party and it was really lame.
Posted by Zagman at 10:32 PM
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sorry about dropping off the face of the planet for a few weeks. I had pneumonia and stopped breathing and had to go to the hospital for a while and then I was pretty sick recovering. The whole thing has really sucked. Basically I've withdrawn from all my classes for the semester and moved out of the dorms and back home with my Dad and Stepmom because I had missed too much school and the Dean actually met with my parents saying it would be best to drop all my classes for the semester and make it up in the summer. So that's what I'm doing. I'm finally feeling better and now I have a lot of free time! But using the internet requires plugging my laptop into the cable connection in my Dad' office and I'm kinda a lazy guy so that's why I haven't posted until now. I'll try to keep the posts regular, but we'll see how hard it is for me to keep up with having to deal with a wired internet connection. I've been so spoiled with wireless internet in the dorms!
So things with the Crush have actually been picking up lately! Last Friday night we made plans to go to a movie. I went over to his place a little early though to tell him the whole pneumonia story. I was without my cell phone or an internet connection for about a week and a half so everyone thought I was being a jackass and ignoring them. Lucky for me, the Crush was very understanding.
We went to go see Sweeney Todd, which I really don't recommend seeing. I'm not a big fan of musicals, but this one was just really disturbing and gory and boring. The only thing that made the movie interesting was that the Crush and I held hands and kind of cuddled in the movie theater. We got some weird looks from an older guy and his wife sitting right next to the Crush, but we didn't care.
After the movie we went back to the Crush's place. He just got a little TV with a built-in VCR player that he is way stoked about. He only has like 3 Disney movies for it though... so we decided to watch Aladdin! We were talking about the movie and stuff when all of a sudden the Crush leaned over and kissed me. This was pretty much the end of watching Aladdin.
Soon the making out was relocated to the bedroom. We stayed fully clothed, but there was a lot of ass grabbing down the pants, but there wasn't any reaching down of the pants in the front... We did, however, both have some raging hard-ons going so there was a lot of dry humping. It was fun!
Then we talked about the Ex. We both decided that it would be best to kind of slow down until we tell the Ex about us. When the Ex and I hooked up and then later told the Crush, he flipped out. So this time we're gonna try a better approach and be more honest about what's going on between each other. The Ex also kind of thinks that he and the Crush could possibly be getting back together sometime soon, but the Crush made it pretty clear that he was done with the Ex, at least in terms of a romantic relationship, they are still really good friends. So we figured it would be good to call the making out good for the night and I went home around 2 in the morning.
Saturday night I was just hanging out at home with my family when I got a text from a drunken the Crush. He wanted to go running with me Monday morning, so we made plans for me to be at his place by 8 to go running. Then on Sunday night, I got a text from the Crush saying that if I wanted to make things more "convenient" I could just spend the night at his place so I wouldn't have to drive in the morning... I convinced my parents I wasn't going to some murderer/rapist's place and then left.
I got to the Crush's place and we went to his bedroom. We started talking about some random stuff and then awkwardly got in bed together, fully clothed. We started making out and soon we were pulling each other's shirts off...and then each other's pants...and then each other's underwear...and then we were pulling each other's cocks. Pretty soon we were blowing each other (at the same time too!) and then we finished each other off by hand. It was fun.
I do think, however, that we probably took things a bit farther than what we said we were gonna do on Friday night. So now I'm a bit anxious as to how things will turn out between the three of us. So much drama! I just got a text from the Crush and he asked if he should tell the Ex about everything we did last night. I told him that I think we should tell him, but that the decision is up to him to decide when we tell the Ex. He said that he thinks we should wait a little bit. I just want this to be over with! Especially before something more happens between the Crush and I!
Okay, I have a lot going on tomorrow so I'm gonna go to bed now.
Music: "Mirror Kissers" by The Cribs
Posted by Zagman at 9:31 PM
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Basically I've been a loser all week. I've been working kind of a lot, but I've been studying a lot more. I'm already about 2 weeks ahead in my Chemistry class and about 1 week ahead in my Biology class. I've just been studying in all my spare time and doing a lot of reading and taking notes. It's been really stressful and I'm incredibly exhausted already, but I think it might have to do with how I'm getting a cold or something.
Yeah, no news on the Crush. I've texted him a few times. Apparently they have these photographers wander around the gay club we went to last Friday and they took a picture of the Crush, Lip Virgin, and I dancing together and it's posted online... Let's just say it isn't the greatest picture of any of us. I had no idea they took our picture, so i have this weird look on my face like I'm pissed off or something.
But the Ex (he's the Crush's ex, not mine, who I hooked up with a while back...) has been texting me today... I think we got in a texting fight? We were just texting about his new profile picture on Facebook (that I mentioned I thought was an awful picture of him...), but somehow he managed to bring the conversation back to us having sex. Every time he texts me, he somehow mentions that I still want to fuck him. I keep telling him he's out of his league thinking I would ever hook up with him again and stuff like that. It was kinda funny at first, but it's been like 3 months now, and it's pretty annoying. So I mentioned how funny it was that the last time he and I spoke in person, we were joking about how "tight" we'll be someday or something, but that that will never happen because he's too full of himself and is turning into a shallow asshole who needs to get laid, and not by me...
He quickly said he was just joking around about the whole me-wanting-sex thing, but I just kind of played along with his apology joke and then stopped texting him. I don't know. I do like the Ex, but I don't think I would ever want to really get close to him, even as a friend I think. He seems pretty immature for his age... I can't say I'm the most mature person either, but I'm only 18, he's 23. Plus, things really have just been awkward ever since he and I had sex. The Ex, the Crush, and I don't really all hang out together very much since THAT night. I mean, we do, but it's mostly just us studying together and not really saying anything to each other. It's definitely one of those invisible elephants that everyone knows is there, but fails to acknowledge...
As far as my thoughts on what may become of the Crush and I... I'm kinda thinking nothing. But it's cool. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up, but whatever. I told my sister about last Friday night, and she knew all about my history with him before too. She said that she thought I would be making a mistake by attempting to proceed with the Crush. She thinks he'll just break my heart or something. She sees that I'm probably into him a lot more than he'll ever be into me. Plus, she mentioned that I'm knew to this whole dating thing so I shouldn't just throw myself into (she didn't mean literally...) the first guy that shows interest. A few of my friends who know about the Crush and I also think that I should stay at the friend level, without the kissing too. It seems like everyone thinks it just wouldn't work out or something and that I'd just be wasting my time and end up hurt. I don't know if I agree with any of it, but I guess I have been known to be kind of an ignorant person sometimes...
Music: "Moan" by Trentemoller
Posted by Zagman at 1:13 AM
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Tomorrow classes start again. I was looking forward to it earlier in the break, but now I'd like another few weeks off before going back. Oh, and I was pretty upset to find out that my greek philosophy teacher gave me a B+, which dropped my GPA to a 3.685 and I need to keep a 3.7 GPA for my scholarship! So now I'm on probation this semester and HAVE to get at least a 3.7 to keep my scholarship. The money isn't that big of a deal though. In-state tuition is like 5k a year I think (it's a big, public, research university, that's why it's so cheap I guess), but my Dad said as long as I keep my scholarship, I can use my school savings to pay for housing, and I would really like to keep my scholarship so that next year I could afford a nicer place off campus either by myself or with a roommate or two!
Either way, my school savings will get me through all of my undergraduate and probably 3 of the 4 years of dental school... so I don't have too much to worry about when it comes to the financial part of bad grades, but still I need a better GPA than a 3.685 to get into dental school... I'll definitely be working a lot harder this semester! But come on, it was my first semester of college and living away from home, and it still isn't all that bad! Plus, I was super stressed out with this whole coming out thing, and my Mom had a little medical scare that was pretty significant as well. It was definitely an eventful year for me and my family and we are all glad it's finally over!
But the biggest news is I went running with the Crush this morning! It could have gone better, but it was still good. It was a little weird because I was in a lot better shape than he. He goes to the gym a few times a week supposedly so he's got a good body, he just doesn't do much cardio, because he wasn't doing to hot. And I honestly don't know if he has a six-pack or not. From what I felt at the club, he's firm, but I wouldn't think he's really defined. But the running will help with that!
Oh, and it started snowing after about 5 minutes of running and by the end of the run it was practically a blizzard and we were both soaking wet. I didn't wear a hat, so my hair was completely drenched and I probably looked like shit, oh well. But the snow made it a bit slippery, and the Crush actually slipped and fell on his ass! We both laughed it off though because it wasn't a very hard fall. And I also kinda slipped and practically did the splits and now my inner right thigh is a little sore. It's not bad, but I don't think I'm gonna go running tomorrow because of it :(
When we got to the point where I went one way home and he went the other way, it was awkward. Goodbye? Yeah... I think he was expecting something, like at least a hug, but I just kinda kept running... probably a mistake, but I texted him when I got home and flat out said that we were "just friends" (which is how he put it after Friday night) so that's why I didn't give him some romantic goodbye kiss in the soaking, cold snowstorm, but I did add that it would have been nice. He responded with a little "Maybe next time..." That's quite an expectation to meet for our next run together! We then texted for another 2 hours until I had to go to work...
Work was lame. Because of the nasty snowstorm, there was nobody there. So the store was empty and I wanted to shoot myself after my 6 hour shift.
Then I went to my mom's house for dinner. My mom told me she would be out shopping, but would be home by 6 to have dinner ready by the time I got here. But here I am! It's after 8 and she still isn't here. I had some soup that she made last night for a little dinner party she had, and now I'm really bored. I'll probably head to my place soon and go to bed... My first class tomorrow is at 7:30! I'm totally not a morning person either, but I absolutely couldn't take the class at another time because of my stupid schedule and certain class times being stupid or something stupid like that. I had a class at 7:30 a.m. last semester... I went to about the first two weeks of class and then after that I only went for the exams... I got an A! That's not very good motivation for me to keep up with my 7:30 a.m. class this semester...
Music: "Frozen" by Madonna
Posted by Zagman at 8:07 PM
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Okay so here it is!
So I went to a gay club last night with the Crush and this other guy who was actually the first guy I ever kissed on the lips! We'll call this guy the Lip Virgin I guess...
Anyway, I don't go to the club very often. Mostly because I don't really have a lot of gay friends to go with. Last night was actually only my second time ever going. The first time I went was with the same two guys and it was also the same night the Lip Virgin kissed me, but that's another not as exciting story...
So last night! I first went out to dinner with my family and then I went to a movie, Juno, with some high school friends. There were four of us at the movie, two guys two girls (the girls are twins), and one of the twins knows I'm gay, but the other guy and her sister don't know... Anyway I left them after the movie to go hang out with the Crush and the Lip Virgin because the Crush texted me saying he was gonna go to the club and wanted to know if I wanted to go. So of course I was willing to bail on my high school friends to go to the club with the Crush! And I texted the one girl that knows I'm gay and I told her the real reason why I left after the movie and she was totally cool with it, although we were supposed to hang out tonight and I never heard from her... Anyway! (I say "anyway" A LOT! I know, I should increase my vocabulary or something, it's just I get so distracted when I'm blogging it seems like...)
Anyway! So I went up to Lip Virgin's place and he and the Crush were just hanging out drinking a few beers. We stayed chatting for about an hour and a half and then we finally left for the club. By the time we showed up at the club it was about midnight. I saw like 4 guys from work there and danced with some of them for a while, but they all seemed to leave kinda earlyish... So I spent the last while with just the Crush and Lip Virgin. It was so much fun! We were doing the whole grinding thing with one guy in the middle and the other two guys on either side sandwiching the middle guy. I'll admit, I got hard when I was in the middle!
Fairly early in the night the three of us were all dancing and then Lip Virgin had to go to the bathroom to piss or something, leaving the Crush and I alone. He was dancing behind me and when Lip Virgin left I turned around to face him, and like right after I turned around he kissed me! It was so amazing to be there making out with him in the middle of the dance floor with everyone else either dancing or doing the exact same thing! But then we were rudely interrupted by some of my friends from work who saw us making out and they were jokingly calling me a slut and stuff. It was funny...not! But we quickly got back to dancing for a little bit, but for some reason, the rest of the night we kept stopping to make out! Oh, and I got a little squeeze of his ass, very nice!
It was so much fun! Definitely the best making out ever! But we didn't do anything after. We were all pretty tired and Lip Virgin was driving and he dropped me off at my car because I parked a few blocks away from his place because I didn't know exactly where it was, and I was sitting in the backseat by myself (long story, well not really but I don't want to tell it) and so I didn't get a chance to give him a kiss or anything goodbye. But whatever, we had had our fair share of kissing for the night already!
And then this morning I woke to a text from the Crush asking if it was cool if we were "just friends" for now and that it also would be cool if something like that happened again and stuff. I of course told him I was cool with that. It's not like I was expecting us to get married or something after one night. But yeah then he also wants to start running with me to get back in shape (although by the feel of his ass, he doesn't seem too out of shape!), so we're gonna go running together tomorrow morning! I'll let you know how that goes.
So who knows what will happen between the Crush and I. Worst case scenario, we try to take things further, they don't work out, and we stay friends. I can live with that. But no matter what, I'm excited at the possibility of a boyfriend! I've never had one, but I'm ready to try this whole relationship thing out. Even if we don't ever make it to the "official" stage, it'll still be fun to be more open about the kissing since we've already made out so much! Life is good right now! Except for the fact that classes start again on Monday! Ugh!
Oh, and I had an absolutely shitty New Year's Eve with a bunch of straight, homophobic guys! So I'm gonna call my kiss with the Crush last night my New Year's Eve kiss! I don't even want to start saying how awful New Year's Eve was...
And one last thing. I'm a pretty big runner I guess, kind of, sort of. I've been running a lot this past year and I ran my first half marathon this last fall and I'm registered for another one in April! I'm also doing a 30k running series where I do a 5k about three weeks from now, and then two weeks later we do a 10k, and then two weeks after that we do a 15k. And then about two or three weeks after that I'm doing a 10 miler run! And I think by then the half marathon is about a week or two after the 10 miler! So I'm excited to get back to running. I kind of took it really easy on the running after the half marathon, so I'm definitely ready to get back into it!
Music: "Are You Ten Years Ago" by Tegan and Sara
Posted by Zagman at 11:53 PM
So I'm gonna have to do the full post later, but basically tonight could be the beginning of something finally happening between the crush and I. I know I said I was over him, but tonight might have changed things a little bit...
We kissed. A lot. And it was good! But kissing (and some minor feeling around...) was all we did... But like I've mentioned, from where we once were, this is pretty good progress!
Posted by Zagman at 2:27 AM